Facing
the Home school Super Mom
by: Laura Banks ton
I know this Mom. She
home schools her 5 children, plus she tutors several
other children that are dropped off at her house. AND
she's a Pastor's wife. AND she's working on fixing up
the fixer-upper they just moved into. Whenever I've been
in her house, it's been immaculate. Her children all
have perfect manners. They all seem to be way ahead of
their grade level. She's definitely gotta be a Home
school Super Mom.
You're probably thinking
of someone like this too, right? Someone that made you
think, "Man, my son isn't reading as well as hers." or
"My house isn't as clean as hers." Or a million other
things.
And you probably
discovered her when you were new to homeschooling. When
you were already feeling uncertain in your new
endeavors. You were already putting high expectations on
yourself. You were constantly analyzing to be sure you
were doing everything right. And as a result, you tend
to be a little over-sensitive about what other's are
accomplishing around you without giving enough credit to
yourself.
So, it's really
important that you remember (as a new home schoolers or
a seasoned one) these basic principles that we all so
easily forget:
"The 4 Basic Principles
That Conquer the 'Super-Moms' Syndrome"
Principle #1: We always
see other's through glasses that make them larger than
life. When I was a teenager, there was this lady in our
church. Her hair and makeup was always perfect. She
lived in a big, expensive home. She was very stylish and
her kids were so cool. I always wanted to grow up and
have that.
But I don't anymore.
I'd rather have my house
that gets messy 5 minutes after it gets picked up, my
hair that falls down into my eyes as I pick up my
children, and my face that only gets makeup on Sunday.
Why you may ask? Well, here's why. I'm happy. I love my
family, and I wouldn't trade them for anything.
The lady I had idolized
as a teen? She still has her perfect home and impeccable
style. But, she has a marriage without love and children
who are stuck up adults who ignore her totally.
I had seen her through
glasses that made her larger than life. In the end,
she's not any bigger or greater than me. In fact, she
probably wishes that she had my life!
So, if you start to
think about someone else who seems to have the life you
want, STOP LOOKING! Instead, sit down and make a list of
100 good things in your life--from the air you breathe,
to the heat in your home, to the kisses from your child.
I guarantee that you'll feel better about yourself that
you ever have before.
Principle #2: Everyone
has their own unique gift. Everyone has their own unique
ability and we tend to notice in other's the abilities
that might be our "weak" ones.
For instance, if you
think you're house is always messy, you'll seem to know
all these people who have perfectly neat homes.
For an example from my
life, I have a son who struggles with speech and it
seems like every other parent within a 100 mile radius
have children with perfect diction. But you know that's
not the way it is. My son might not pronounce every
phonic sound correctly--yet!--but he has so many other
gifts that hardly make that one seem important.
For instance, no one
notices his speech. They always comment, though, how
loving he is. Just running up to people and giving them
hugs. And he has fun no matter what he does. Can you
believe one day I actually heard myself saying, "Ryan.
Stop that. Not everything is supposed to be fun." I had
to step back and slap myself. Then I said, "Never mind.
Mommy was wrong. Have as much fun as you can." And I
learned a lesson from that.
So, forget about what
the home schooled Jones' are doing. Discover your
child's unique ability and relish in it and develop it
and learn from it.
Right now, at the end of
your list of 100 things that you're grateful for, list
10 wonderful qualities or abilities for yourself and
each of your children. Work on acknowledging, praising,
and being thankful for all of your gifts. And don't
forget to thank God that you got the greatest kids ever
born on this earth.
Principle #3: It doesn't
matter what others think. I know, it seems easier said
than done. But I guarantee that if you've actually taken
the time to write down your list of 100 things that
you're grateful for and 10 wonderful qualities of your
child, that you won't care what other people think
because you will know and appreciate what you have.
And, see, it really
doesn't matter what other people think.
What matters is what's
important to you. Your core values. Your beliefs. Your
ethics. How do you want your children to be as adults?
Hey, write it down right now. 5 things you want your
child to be as an adult.
Okay, I'll do it right
now too for Ryan who is 6 years old--but do yours before
you read mine: A loving husband and father An honest,
ethical entrepreneur Faithful in service to God Kind,
thoughtful, and helpful to those less fortunate Thankful
and content for what he can do and what he has Now, I'll
bet that you had similar types of things. Not, "makes
$1,000,000 by age 30" or "wins he Miss America contest".
Focus on developing and
rearing your child to have those 5 qualities, and I'll
guarantee that the fact that Mrs. Smith's daughter who
is 2 years younger than yours is reading book three
times as difficult. Geez, that's a real life skill. You
see what I'm getting at?
Principle #4: When you
say "yes" to one thing, you are always saying "no" to
something else. Have you ever heard that before? I heard
that from an owner of a successful multi-million dollar
business. That was the simple rule that he used to
prioritize his life. When he sat at his desk with phone
messages to return, he would literally think, "If I say
'yes' to calling this person, what will I be saying 'no'
to?" When someone would asked to do something, he was
able to say "no", knowing that if he said "yes" to that
project, that he would be saying "no" to extra time with
his family.
This principle applies
to everyone whether they are conscious of it or not.
Mrs. Smith who is
working so hard to have her child advanced in reading is
saying "no" to some other educational area. Or, Suzie
Homeschool Super Mom up the street who has her
immaculate home is saying "no" to time with her kids or
family or something else.
The same applies to me.
I've said "yes" to this homeschool site, so I've had to
say "no" to things like having a perfectly neat house,
laundry always done and put away, and a 5 course
home-cooked meal on the table by 5:00 every night.
Only say "yes" to the
things that are important to you. (See, you don't know
it, but I've been gone for 20 minutes. My daughter came
downstairs crying, and I stopped to take care of her.
And I've also acquired a set of ear muffs made from pipe
cleaners and pom-poms.) So, as I was saying, say "yes"
ONLY to the things that are most important to you. And
know ahead of time what you'll be saying "no" to before
you say "yes"!
Principle #5: Take
advantage of every possible tool. That's right. I don't
lift a finger (well, hardly a finger) to clean my home
as I have cleaner's come twice a week to take care of
that responsibility for me. And to solve my meal
preparation dilemma? I purchase items that can be thrown
in the oven and get side dishes that are quick and easy.
You can do similar
things. I have a homeschooling friend who takes one day
a month and cooks all day to makes meals for 30 days
that she freezes and uses one at a time. And I thought
she cooked from scratch every night!
Having difficulties
organizing? Don't fight it. Buy something that organizes
your stuff or forget it. It really isn't that important
to waste time stressing over!
Use all the tools you
can, and leave everything else to collect dust.
So whatever happened to
that super mom?
Hopefully by now you've
done the exercises or at least skimmed enough here and
there to know that there is no super mom except the
unrealistic giant you've created in your mind. Instead,
you should have a full, realistic view of the gifts and
treasures that you possess and a new appreciation for
all you get done and how you can enjoy doing what you do
a little more! If you've done that, than I wasn't wrong
in saying "yes" to this project!
Release your worries and
enjoy life!
